Friday, 3 February 2012

Raymond goes for a run.

I can't believe the BBC turned down my script for Mr Bloom's Nursery.

Mr Bloom's Nursery. A Script By RJ Barker.


Colin the runner bean runs past the camera, he is closely followed by Raymond the Squash.

Colin: Runner bean.

Raymond: Don't run Colin, you know there's no escape from ripeness day.

Colin: Unripe bean!

Raymond: There's nothing to be frightened of, Kitchen is a beautiful place, come on Colin.

Colin: Frightened bean!

Colin is just about to come out to Raymond when he is shot from offscreen, Sebastian the singing aubergine appears.

C: Dead bean

S: Pah, runners, why do they do it do you think?

Raymond shrugs.

R: I don't know, what's this thing he's wearing? Picks it up Fruitarian society? What do you think that is, Sebastian?

S: I don't know, but didn't Joan the fennel have something similar-la-la-la-laaaa as a necklace?

R: Did she? I think I'll ask Mr Bloom. See you later Sebastian

Raymond goes to see Mr Bloom who is beside the compostarium preparing it for ripeness day.

R: Hello Mr Bloom.

MB: Hello Raymond, how can I help you?

R: Well we tracked down Colin when he ran away from ripeness day and shot him.

MB: You did? Ooh, tasty.

R: But he had this funny thing on him. Shows Mr Bloom the Fruitarian badge.

MB: Fruitarian eh? I don't like the sound of that much, do you?

R: Well, I'm not sure Mr Bloom.

MB: Tell you what, you take this gives him the fruitarian badge and you can run now and see if you can find out about it.

R: But it's not my ripeness day, Mr Bloom.

MB: I know that, and you know that, but if I say it's your ripeness day who'll know, eh?

R: I'm not sure, I...

MB: Hey everybody, Tiddlers gather round, Raymond is lovely and ripe!

Tiddlers: Yay! Kitchen! They chant Kitchen! Kitchen!

Raymond looks worried back away and then runs off. He bumps into Joan the fennel.

J: Raymond, whatever is the matter?

R: I'm ripe, I'm ripe but I'm not ready for it.

She sees the fruitarian badge

J: Don't you worry Raymond, I know just the place. You follow me.

Together they run from the nursery. Sinister music plays and Sebastian the singing Aubergine emerges form the shadows. He follows them

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