The Arjarian Spa For Health and Goodness.

The Arjarian Centre for Holistic Filimfalaam


At the Arjariain centre we believe in a complete holistic approach to complete holisticness for your health. Other Holistic therapy centres may deal with one aspect of your life or health but only Arjarian Holisticness deals with your complete physical, mental and psychick health.


What is FilimFalaam?

In a time before history when the Fijian Princess Tinaicoboga married the Egyptian Pharaoh Tutankhamen they melded Fijian Ho'kum with Egyptian Openhandsmileopenhand and created FilimFalaam. This method of therapy was re-discovered by Howard Carter when he breached the tomb of the pharoah. Carter immediately hid the text as he recognised the importance of the coded texts no one could read to humanity and was in the employ of Big Pharma. This betrayal of humanity became known as the Curse of King Tut and was to claim the explorer's life. Only when Ascended Master Arjerius received these truths from his Red Indian spirit guide, Clive Briggs, did this process finally become available to non ascended humans.

When receiving FilimFalaam you can be sure you are receiving the highest form of ho'kum available anywhere in the world.



Do I need FilimFalaam?

YES! We believe anyone can have their life enriched by FilimFalaam. However, if you are unsure then go through this checklist.

Do you now or have you ever experienced any of the following?

Anxiety.
Pain.
Grief.
Annoyance.
Realising everyone else is wrong but being unable to get them to understand that.
Illness.
Sadness.
Failure.

If you have experienced any or none of the above then you need Filimfalaam.


What procedures can I expect for my minimum five thousand pounds kind donation?

Of course, we have many procedures and what exactly you need will be decided in a taped meeting where one of our advisor will pretend they care about you for half an hour. Here is a selection of our premiere services*.


Spirit Rambling

Our star psychic, Quintin Podsley, will take you through a walk in our complacence gardens in the company of a deceased relative. This will allow you to find the balance in nature and the balance in your heart.

If you do not have a deceased relative one will be provided.

Eel Trepanning.

The secret of inserting live eels through a hole in the skull was entirely lost to humanity until Master Arjerius re-imagined it. Now you can find truth through this ancient method. You may need to sign a disclaimer.

Reiki Toad Bobbing.

Toads filled with reiki energy are placed in a bath of hot-sainted water within which the participant sweats off the ills of the world. RTB therapy is know to contribute to world peace through psychic darning of the international kharma blanket.


Homeopathic Sex Therapy.

Participants are placed in a dark room in which an adult film was shown in 1976.



Other services include:.

spore bumbling, electric nub contemplation, smartphone blessing, work/life kharmic balance, colonic mitigation, chakra pointing, remote chakra pointing, virtual chakra pointing, remote virtual chakra pointing, badge making, regret haunting, worry dowsing, charitiable giving therapy, release your posessions therapy and volunteer Arjarian Temple cleaning therapy.




*These services are not part of the initial donation therapy.