Friday, 8 June 2012

Choose your own adventure.

Generia, a land familiar to all and yet different enough to avoid copyright problems, stretches from the Dragonliketeeth Mountains of Snjowvinlandia in the north to the ever shifting sands of Arabish in the south where swarthy men race shamels and worship heathen gods. In the capital city of Generia, Thyngumy, amid towering edifices of oldness stand the hundred mighty statues of the City's fierce gods that protect her people and aren't heathen at all for some reason I can't quite work out.

It is in Thyngumy that you were born an orphan and then, along with thousands of others, whisked away by kindly priests who raised you as their own children who, if they had any, would also have been bloodthirsty warriors. For eighteen years you have trained hard in all the martial arts, sticking, slicing, hitting, batting, nipping and name calling. You are the foremost among your fellows.

Upon your name day you were brought before the hight priest, Hippocrastinese, and finally told why you had been worked so hard for all of your young life. Shockingly, for people who have never read a book, it turns out that is is statistically likely that you (or one of the thousands of others taken by this actually-quite-sinister-if-you-think-about-it order) may be the one to fulfill an ancient prophecy.

Shocked by this revelation you sit and the priest tells you that before you leave on your quest you must give him some information. First, he asks your name. Before you can get annoyed at the fact this man has trained you for eighteen years and can't remember your name you remember that a mysterious order has to have some mysteries or it isn't very mysterious and presume this is just one of them.

Then Hippocrastinese asks you what sex you are, explaining they were never sure and thought it rude to ask until now. This quite annoys you.

Lastly he asks you what race you are, explaining that for himself he's really not bothered about such things but there are quotas you know and they wouldn't want anyone to feel left out though just between you and him he does think dwarves smell a bit.

Then he asks you to leave your character details in the comments and when the game starts on Tuesday the 12th to use the hashtag #CYOA on twitter. Bemused by these ritual words you gather your equipment:

Female Characters get class specific armour.

The Revealing Armour Bikini of Protection.

Male Characters get class specific armour.

The Swollen Manpouch of Protective Stuffing.

All Characters carry the Massive Greatsword 'Impractica' and a magical bow called I dunno, Shooty or something*.

Now, prepare to leave and begin the quest of....


*I've given this literally minutes of thought. 

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